do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How external is "for external use only"?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
