I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
