i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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