i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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