theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
