I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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