I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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