Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
