i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
