If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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