this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
