there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
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Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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