i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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