I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
