her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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