he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
