When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
