I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
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Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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