he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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