Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I love having hate sex.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
