I cannot find my penis.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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