You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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