we're chasing vodka with high fives
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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