It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize