Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
