hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
