Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
