You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
