i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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