Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
