my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
