You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
