I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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