So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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