she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
