I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize