what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
