what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
