my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
two words: eviction party
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
