All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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