? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
