Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
