You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
