Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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