This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's official drugs can't kill me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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