Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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