i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
