this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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