nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You have to summon your inner elephant
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
