I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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