Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
