A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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