That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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