I love black thongs
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
