Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
