believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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