I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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