what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize