On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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