What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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