Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
