Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
