so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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