...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
