he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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