Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
