He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
