so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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