I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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