Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Mom said you looked used
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
