carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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