You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
As shirtless as possible
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
