What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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