I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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