After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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