I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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