She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
we're so committed to being not committed
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
