i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
