38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
