I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
