wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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