I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
