we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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