Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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