so explain again why im purple
no
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
