This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Too much gin, very little bucket
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
